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Subject: Does It Hurt When I Do This?

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and claims that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left knee and screams in pain. Then she pushes her elbow and screams even more. She pushes her stomach and screams and then she pushes her ankle and screams even louder. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

Subject: sun sex and golf courses

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform
the other of the afterlife.

Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word
he made contact,

"Mary. Mary."
"Is that you, Fred?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the
golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice.

I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon.
After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The
next day it starts again."
"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."

"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Basildon!!!

Subject: Nudist Colony

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he
takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an
erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says,
"Did you call for me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new
here.
Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies
you called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming
pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets
him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the
sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man
lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?" says
the hairy man.
"No! what do you mean?" says the newcomer. "You must be new," says the
hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for
me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and
has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by
the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?", she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and
you can keep the $500 membership fee."
"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You
haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection
once a month. I fart 15 times a day!
 

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LOL quality mart!
 

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:laugh:
 

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The last one tickled me most ...err.....
 
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