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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Joke 1
Boy: 'I've just had the most awful time. First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.'

Friend: 'Wow! How did you pull through

Boy: 'I don't know. Toughest spelling test I ever had

Joke 2
A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to first year medical students. Realising that this was not the most riveting subject the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you are having an orgasm?"

She replied "He's probably out drinking beer with his buddies

Joke 3
A rabbit and bear were walking through the forest one day and stuumbled into a genie. The genie gave them each 3 wishes.

"I wish all the bears in the forest were girls and liked me" Bear said. The genie granted it.
" I wish for a motorcycle" Rabbit said. The Genie granted it.
"I wish all the bears in the USA were girls and liked me" Bear wished. Genie granted it.
"Bear you are crazy, I wish all the rabbits in the world were girls and liked me" Rabbit wished. The genie granted it.
" me to me to" Bear wished
The rabbit thought real hard after a while he said "I wish Bear was gay!" Then he rode off on his motorcycle

Joke 4
A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bedThe little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied "they're still up in bed." Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied "they're still up in bedThe little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "what gives? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?" The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."

Joke 5
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

4,575 Posts
:laugh: just seen that... made me laugh :D
never mind the jokes eh cj :laugh:

i logged into her account when she was in the bath last week and set it :D
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