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The 2nd coming
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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make Sivil Servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up confusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing public enthusiasm in the second year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, public akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will encourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterant to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in thee language is disdrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be resptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropde from vords containing “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze dream of a United Urop vil finali kum tru. Zen v evil rul ze vurld !!!
 

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